How I Broke the Cycle of Burning Out in My Business by Letting Go of Control

Being a woman in business is hard.

Being a wife and a mother doing business is even harder.

Achieving success playing by masculine rules quickly leads to burnout unless we know how to preserve and use our energy in the right ways.

Well, I didn’t quite know how to use my energy in the right ways in my work.

For the past 6 months since my business started taking a pretty steep flight upwards I started getting into burnout cycles.

I’ve had my business for three years now but for the first 2 years I was…

Playing around.

And by playing around I mean not having a predictable system and a business model that was scalable and bringing me the cash that I wanted.

Six months ago I stumbled upon the holy grail of revenue, scalability, and profitability (thank you Sam Ovens) that I always wanted but it came with high stakes (just like anything worth doing does.)

And while this way of working and living life works for most men who function quite differently than women, it didn’t quite work for me.

How does burnout look and feel like?

Every woman knows it.

It’s when everything is too much.

It’s when the world becomes too much to bear.

It’s when you start lashing out on your loved ones and are finding yourself irritable and annoyed with every single little thing.

I was working all the time, resting almost none of the time and constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough and that I’m always behind.

Here were my symptoms:

• I achieved “success” but I didn’t feel successful
• I accomplished my goals but those goals felt empty and dry
• I didn’t understand the point of it all
• I was depleted and exhausted and needed my time to recover
• I was demotivated and uninspired
• I was exhausted and drained

First time it happened I thought it’s a temporary “part of starting a business” phase. And in most cases it definitely is.

Second time it happened I didn’t pay much attention to it because it started to become the norm. Like, that’s just part of the game.

“If you’re comfortable, you’re dead,” one of my (male) business mentors was saying. But there is a difference between feeling uncomfortable and drained. I’m okay with uncomfortable but you actually need some energy to live through the discomfort and get to the other side of it.

Third time it happened I realized that it’s a cycle and I desperately wanted to break it. And I knew that breaking the cycle starts with figuring out the root cause.

Am I working hard and not smart? Am I not as efficient as I could be? How can I be even more productive? (Or maybe I’m just putting too much on my plate? — this, of course, didn’t really cross my mind because I always feel like I’m not doing enough…)

Are my routines ok? What should I improve and change? (I’m already waking up around 5 AM, having an hour long morning routine of meditation, stretching and a flow practice; I’m going to fitness classes, the pool, sauna and jacuzzi 3 times a week. I’m starting work at 6 AM and finishing at 4 PM. I’m sleeping 7–8 hours…)

Is my self-care in check? (Of course, anyone can benefit from more self-care but it feels like I’m doing my massages, my facials, my walks, my bicycle rides, my shopping, my girl time…)

Is it my diet? Is it my health? (I’m working with a naturopath who every month sends me zinc, magnesium, Neurocalm and other supplements, plus herbal tinctures to bring my high cortisol levels down. I’m already gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar free, coffee-free, and meat free. What else I need to free myself of? )

Like, seriously, WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!

Why am I not able to basically work non-stop like a man?

Hmmmm….

Because I’m not a man?

I even burned out trying to figure out the solution!

So bloody exhausting.

Add the extra pressure for figuring this out — I’m a feminine embodiment coach who teaches women how not to be a workhorse (embody their femininity and attract a masculine man) and here I am — a fucking workhorse!

The only difference (and where part of the answer lied for me) is that I already have my masculine man.

In this cycle of burning out I also noticed that I started missing my daughter so much. The more I worked and spent time away from her, the more I wanted to be with her. It’s peculiar to notice myself go cuddle with my daughter when I feel stressed and burned out. I guess my love for her really fills my cup. And later I realized that my yearning for another child is also connected to the solution of how I broke free from the cycle.

There comes a time for most women when you need to stop, drop everything and admit that right now, in this moment in time, there is nothing more important than myself, my babies and my man.

There is nothing more important than my love.

There is nothing more important than my connection to myself, my body and my femininity.

Because when I’m disconnected from my true nature, everything is dull and empty. Everything loses meaning.

What’s the point of having the riches, the lifestyle and even my contribution to the world if deep down inside I’m not fulfilled?

This is why it’s extremely important for a woman to be doing something she first and foremost enjoys doing. But even in that love for her work she can lose herself when work takes over and starts playing front and centre of her life.

I love my work. I am grateful to be working with women all over the world helping them shed all the layers of conditioning, rediscover their feminine flavor, soften up the rough edges and attract their committed masculine men.

There is nothing more rewarding than reading and listening to my clients’ success stories.

This is why I do what I do.

But the container of what I do is a masculine structure of what we call a business (in your case it might be a career). And in that masculine structure there are so many areas that I am (was) responsible for.

Since I am the face, the front and centre of the business, it’s me who has to be driving this ship.

Or so I thought.

It’s me who has to coach and teach, write emails and articles, run the team, host the podcast, sell the program, deal with more complicated customer support tickets, answer questions, come up with the vision and hold everything together.

Or so I thought.

And, of course, first and foremost, it’s only me who can be a mother, a lover and a wife to my husband and daughter.

It’ only me who can be a girlfriend, daughter sister, mentor, advisor, community member.

Or so I thought.

So here I was getting caught up in my own trap of The Lie of Female Success thinking that I can do it all at the same time and do it well.

I forgot who I was behind my work.

And here is when I realized the simple and honest truth: right now my deepest calling is being a mother first and foremost. I want a second child and I need to follow that yearning…

The yearning that I’m helpless in fighting and reasoning with…

A wise mentor told me “Anna, you have a lifetime to build your business. But you don’t have that luxury when it comes to building a family. Make your choices wisely.”

That’s why women walk away from hot shot high paying jobs, successful businesses and careers. There comes a time when all that masculine “fluff” doesn’t matter because, you see, being a woman comes with certain quirks and perks that can’t be silenced. And the older we grow and the more we achieve that voice starts becoming louder and louder.

What do I want?!

What are my own desires?!

What brings me joy and pleasure?!

How do I feel in all this?

How do I want to show up in my work and the world?!

What do I want to be responsible for?!

What is sustainable for me?

This is what matters.

But how can I really follow my calling if all this responsibility is piled up on my shoulders?

How can I be a feminine essence woman in this world of structured masculine to-do lists, processes and proven measurable systems that work (for men)?

We know the formula to doing business in smart ways:

DELETE. AUTOMATE. DELEGATE.

Easier said than done.

I’ve come to the conclusion that to be able to implement this formula efficiently you need to let go of the ego, start trusting yourself and other people to support you and massively rely on the masculine in your life. Energetically dropping what is not yours to carry and shifting into trust and letting go of control.

So I realized that and accepted that. Most importantly, I took joy and pride in it. I stopped resisting it. I gave myself permission to want what I want and to be a woman.

I dropped the big fat ego of “this is MY business. I am the face of it therefore I need to run it.”

I accepted that people might fail and make mistakes. And that’s okay.

I accepted that things might not go my way and things will go slow. And that’s okay.

I released the need to constantly perform, be on top, be perfect.

I let go of the need to always write a blog post on time, send those emails twice a week or show up 100%.

I don’t need to be perfect for my business to work.

My mentor Jenna Ward always asks this question “How can it be easy and pleasurable?”

So I massively surrendered to the flow and I trusted the process.

We had a meeting with my husband who is also my business partner and I literally delegated everything I don’t need to be involved in to him.

“You tell me what to do, I’ll follow.”

Basically I let him lead.

I also energetically delegated so much more to my team. I gave them permission to make mistakes and to own their roles. We’re doing this together and I don’t need to be the boss.

F R E E D O M.

So many women do not trust their men and their teams and constantly struggle with this power dynamic.

Fear is at the bottom of wanting to always be in control.

You need to dig deep into that.

That fear is making you so rigid, constrained and always on guard.

Waiting for someone to fuckup again and prove you right.

That is not freedom.

That is a trap.

What are you afraid of?

Why?

Where did that come from?

What’s the worst case scenario?

Trust issues with men are a direct correlation to trust issues in your career or business because you can’t surrender and let go.

You can’t surrender to the masculine.

Deep down inside you do not have a fundamental belief that you’ll be okay no matter what.

That you’re enough even though your business might not be as successful.

That you’re enough without the accomplishments, achievements and ambitions.

So many women do not even know who they are behind their business or careers.

And so they hold on to these labels dearly.

But those labels don’t mean anything if you’re not living the truth of who you are.

So here are your steps to letting that shit go:

1. Work on your trust issues and limiting beliefs (preferable in an embodied way.) Find what’s at the bottom of that fear and reframe it so you can start living in freedom. I help women embrace their femininity and surrender so they can attract a committed masculine man. This work relates to business as much as it relates to men.
2. Identify your masculine support structures and delegate massively to them. In my case it was my husband and my team but in your case it can be your business partner and your team. Your brother and your dog. Your neighbor and your community.
3. Journal the answers to these questions:

What do I want?!

What are my own desires?!

What brings me joy and pleasure?!

How do I feel in all this?

How do I want to show up in my work and the world?!

What do I want to be responsible for?!

What is sustainable for me?